i can start with my words

A few weeks ago, I was on the phone with a community member who wanted to share some concerns. In the first few seconds of the conversation, before I had introduced myself or even shared my name, he told me that he was sure that as a “small-minded liberal” I would not take his words seriously. His only frame of reference for diminishing my intelligence and ascribing this worldview to me, a complete stranger, was my profession. His assumption was that my work as an educator meant I was necessarily boiled down to this status. 

While I tried to filter his words through the frustrations I knew he was feeling, his words stung. No matter how many times this happens, they always do. The old adage that sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me, it turns out, is a lie. 

Our words have power. They have the power to hurt or to heal. They have the power to destroy or repair. They have the power to take life or breathe it anew. 

It has been a hard few weeks in our schools. Our news feeds are filled with stories of threats and weapons in our schools. As parents, educators, students and community members, we are all grappling with what we must do to keep our children safe. The days are heavy. The situation is serious. There is so much work to be done. 

I do not have all of the answers. I imagine none of us really do. But I know one place I can start. 

I can start with my words. 

If my words tear down, demean, and dehumanize others, I should not be surprised when those around me begin to believe less about the value of life. In fact, I bear responsibility for the way my words take or bring humanity. I must remember that “death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21).

A simple scroll through social media paints a picture of a world in which we have normalized labels like “Demoncrats” and “Repugnicans.” If I convince myself and everyone over whom I have influence that people who identify with mostly democratic principles are demons and people who identify with mostly republican principles are repugnant, I devalue their lives. I dehumanize them. My words communicate that people who believe something different than me are evil or dangerous. 

It should come as no shock that the children hearing my words are learning the lessons I am teaching – lessons that lead to anger, hatred and, eventually, violence. 

Our children are watching. They are listening. They are imitating. They are learning. The words we speak are teaching them how to view the world. In JK Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Professor Dumbledore says it this way: “Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.”

So what will we do? Will we speak grace or siphon it? Will we speak love or fight it? Will we speak life or destroy it? 

“Throughout human history, our greatest leaders and thinkers have used the power of words to transform our emotions, to enlist us in their causes, and to shape the course of destiny. Words can not only create emotions, they create actions. And from our actions flow the results of our lives.” Tony Robbins

The situation in our schools is complex and critical. It is worthy of our best minds and our deepest work. It matters because our children matter, more than anything else. 

But the way we come to table with each other will impact even this work, as it does all of the corners of our lives. The way we speak to and about each other is the first step…on the phone, in an email, on social media, in the store, at the baseball field, in the church lobby, at public (or private) meetings, political rallies, office break rooms, or even in our own backyards. 

And while I cannot control the words of those around me, I can start with mine. I can breathe life and humanity into the spaces around me – starting with the words I speak.