to love and let go

Tonight I have a post to share with you from a guest author – my 10 year old daughter, Maddie. She wrote this piece today about her experiences with foster care and gave me permission to share it with you. Both her graphic organizer and the writing were insightful and instructive for me, so you’ll find them both below.

“Could you bring me a diaper?” my aunt asked. 

“Of course,” I replied. I knew that she needed help. She needed help because her latest friend was really young and really fast. Some people might say that these children weren’t technically her kids. None of them were. Yet, they were all here for a reason. And we all love them like they are part of our family, and she loves them like her own kids.

About four years ago, my aunt became licensed as a foster parent. At first, we were not really sure what that meant, but over time, we learned that foster care provides a safe home for children who are being mistreated in their homes. This impacted me because I am extremely close to my aunt and see her almost every day. Since then, over thirteen kids have stayed with my aunt, and I have loved every single one of them.

Kids have come to my aunt for many different reasons. One of the most common reasons is that they don’t have enough to eat and their homes aren’t inhabitable. Sometimes they have been aggressively attacked by their parents or other adults. One of the kids, Lily, had never gotten a single full meal in her entire three years of living. Then there was Anna. If there was trouble, it was usually her doing. Her parents had badly mistreated her and always cursed around her. Sometimes, she even repeated those words in front of my brother or me.

Her current child, Eleanor, is here because at her biological home, with her biological mom, she was not safe at all. I love her a lot. She is super cute for a two year old. I opened up my heart to her from the moment she arrived. She gets so upset sometimes, and we don’t really know why, but it probably means she has had some scary experiences in her past. 

The hardest part of foster care is letting the children go. It’s hard because you open your heart to these children and then they have to leave, and you wonder if it’s selfish to want them to stay with you. You hope they are going to be in a better place back with their families, but it’s still really hard. When Anna left it was really hard because she had traveled with us a lot and stayed with us for over a year. I had grown to really love her and then I had to watch her leave. She was the first one I ever cried about.  It was really hard for me to adapt without Anna. After all, she had been my cousin for an entire year, the longest any of the others had. I had to persevere really hard to get over that loss, and I don’t want to go through that again. 

Sometimes I try not to get too close to them if I think they are only going to stay for a little while because then I will have to watch them leave. It’s like letting go of a piece of your family. I have to remind myself that their parents have been worried about them and missing them and trying really hard to get them back, so it’s better for them to go home. When Eleanor leaves it will be even harder because I love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I don’t really want her to go home like all of the past kids. She has really captured my heart.

The best thing about being involved in foster care is that you know that you’re helping the children and you’re helping them get a better life. You’re also, in a way, helping the parents because without that push the parents most likely wouldn’t have tried to change anything. But with that push, most of them try super-hard to get back on track.

When I think about being a part of foster care, it makes me feel good but sad sometimes. It makes me very thankful for my family and all of the people who love me. That is why I know that I need to help my aunt. In this way, I am doing everything that I can to help these children know love.

Note: I had to change the names of all of the children to keep them safe and to protect their identities.

Maddie’s Graphic Organizer

• Beginning
  • Plot: My aunt fosters children and I want to share what the experiences are like: opening my heart to young children and then watching them leave, knowing that now they are with their parents, but still wishing that they could be with me instead. I also want to explain what it feels like to find out that you have a new cousin, to watch them play, to love them, and then to watch them get reunited with their parents.
  • Feelings: Distressed, Sad, Mad, Happy, Confused, Wonderful, Dreadful, Painful, Amazing, Weirded out
• Middle
  • Plot: I have already been through quite a few foster kids, but now they are taking one that I had really started to care about, and I am starting to get mad. This kid was the first kid that I would cry over because they took her away.
  • Feelings: Distressed, Mad, Sad, Angry
• End
  • Plot: Things have started to turn back to normal and I have finally gotten over losing sarah. I have realized that it was selfish of me to wish for them to stay and to try not get attached to any of them.
  • Feelings: Happy, Wonderful, Peaceful